lamenting the crash of my bollywood dreams

sigh. no bollywood. unless someone approaches me on the dark streets of mumbai tonight, it's a no go. and i'm not sure i'd go anywhere with anyone claiming to be a bollywood director after dark. don't worry mom and dad. so i figured out that i doesn't actually smell like incense everywhere. lots of places it smells like poo. and then there is the constant opium waft.

and now, for a brief list of what i would like to call "the culture shock chronicles" or, "erin's first 24 hours in mumbai."

1. there are probably 20 men to every 1 woman on the streets of mumbai during the day.
1.5. indian men. meh.
2. you can't get samosas in any restaurant. as if!
3. you can get samosas on the street, and they're icky. :(
4. indian people do a side-to-side head bobble to mean "yes." to me, this head bobble means, "you wanna go?!" or "you're really stupid" or "you go girlfriend." the first person i saw do this i thought maybe had some kind of nervous disorder. it's really odd when men do it.
5. the answer to "are you married?" is always, always "yes."
6. the food is ooooooohhhh soooooo goooooooood . . . except the samosas i mentioned earlier. yuch.
7. the ghettos of mumbai consist of leaning shacks lining many sidewalks of the busy streets. the people who live there have beautiful clothes. i know this because i saw them hanging to dry.

okay, that chronicle was pretty lame i guess. i can't really put into words how strange everything feels here. i have never had culture shock like this before. it's really tiresome. plus, sadly, the coolest places of mumbai are the ones in which i feel the least comfortable taking pictures. so it's going to be hard to share.

but here's a bit of sharing. indian jokes, courtesy of dave, a semi-creepy indian man who claims to be an actor but with whom, nonetheless, i would not have lunch, a drink, or even enjoy the rest of the prince of wales museum:

1. i find it really funny that when people eat bananas they never know where to look.
(okay. i don't get this joke. at all.)

2. once there were two gladiators. a rat and an elephant. they were in the ring together fighting, when the rat jumped over the elephant. suddenly all the rats in the stands stood up and cried, "get him!"
(don't get this one either.)

3. once there was an ant driving in a car. he sped through a red light and the police pulled him over. "i'm sorry officer," said the rat. "my elephant friend has been in a terrible accident and i'm on my way to donate blood for him."
(i sort of get this one, but it's not funny.)

then i told dave my pirate joke and my panda bear joke and my nachos joke and even a few elephant jokes.
he didn't get any of my jokes either. see what i mean about culture shock?

tomorrow i get on a train that i'm going to ride for 40 hours to kerala, in the south, for 30 lovely days of yoga. i suck at yoga. but i'll also be learning indian cooking. i'm good at eating, so that should balance out the yoga bit, i think.